Exploring Your Path

I call my clients searchers—people who have spent many years searching for something that will give their lives meaning. They have followed dozens of different paths, but have never found the right one. Each time they find a path that feels promising they follow it eagerly only to have it turn out to be a dead end for them. By the time I meet them the pain and frustration of the search has become almost unbearable.

A client of mine had come to this point again. A promising path seemed to have suddenly dead-ended for her. She felt herself losing interest and could imagine herself boxing up all her materials and moving on as she had so many times before. If you are a searcher you can probably relate. I know I do. I was a searcher myself and I have the boxes to prove it.

After we had talked for a little while my client began to see her situation a little differently. Instead of thinking that she has to start her journey all over again she now looks at this as a brief trip down a side road. Everything she did and learned relates to her overall journey. This path may not have been the right one for her but she is definitely going in the right direction.

It has been said that life is a journey, not a destination—trite but true. Every avenue you take along the way is an exploration. Some avenues you know right away are not going to wok. Others you have to follow for a while before you realize they are not going to take you where you want to be. It is also possible that for you the exploration is the destination (more on that later).

If you are a searcher take a little time to look at your journey from a new perspective. Instead of looking at your career attempts as failures, look at what they all had in common. What did you love about each one? What did you hate? When you find those common threads they will point the way to your true direction in life. Have a great journey.

Why What Not To Wear is a transformational show

I have always been a fan of the TLC show, What Not To Wear. It’s not just the fashion advice (though that is useful) or the personalities of the two hosts (very fun) or even the dream of having a makeover done on me (can I nominate myself?).

No, what I really love about the show is watching the people go through an exciting personal transformation. Now that’s what I call entertainment!

If you are not familiar with the show, let me give you a short description: two fashion experts take a clothing-challenged person—usually nominated by friends and family—to New York for a week-long shopping makeover.

The two experts hijack the unsuspecting “contributor” in her home town, let her know that her friends and family have nominated her, and then present her with a credit card with $5,000 to spend on a new wardrobe. In order to get the money she must let them throw out her old wardrobe and shop by their rules.

The show seems to be about making superficial changes, but in fact it is so much more. Most of the people who go through this process make fundamental shifts in how they see themselves and their bodies. Some of them go on to make huge changes in their lives. But why would getting a new wardrobe create such a transformation?

It’s actually not the wardrobe that creates the shift. Yes, having nice clothes can help people advance in their jobs or “hook a hottie”, but it is the process of learning what not to wear that creates the change.

The show allows the participants to see how they have been presenting themselves to the world and also forces them to face the reasons they have been dressing this way. In life coach terms, the show “busts their stories”.

We all have stories we have created to justify our negative behavior. As soon as somebody asks you why we stay in our bad relationships, or dead-end jobs, or oversized wardrobes we dust off our stories: “Oh, I couldn’t leave Bob. He’d be lost without me.” Or, “I’d never be able to find a new job at my age.” Or, “If I wore clothes that fit me I would look fat.”

By telling our stories we are actually hiding the truth from ourselves (everybody else can see through our stories easily). However, when we confront our stories they crumble and we can see the real reason why we are stuck. Once the truth is uncovered it no longer has power over us and we can begin to transform our lives.

What Not To Wear literally holds up a mirror (a 360° mirror) for people to see themselves as they really are. Since there is no place to hide their only choices are to face their fears and transform their lives, or go deeper into their stories and stay stuck—but with a really great wardrobe.

The next time you have a chance, take a look at What Not To Wear and watch the transformation.