I have always been a fan of the TLC show, What Not To Wear. It’s not just the fashion advice (though that is useful) or the personalities of the two hosts (very fun) or even the dream of having a makeover done on me (can I nominate myself?).
No, what I really love about the show is watching the people go through an exciting personal transformation. Now that’s what I call entertainment!
If you are not familiar with the show, let me give you a short description: two fashion experts take a clothing-challenged person—usually nominated by friends and family—to New York for a week-long shopping makeover.
The two experts hijack the unsuspecting “contributor” in her home town, let her know that her friends and family have nominated her, and then present her with a credit card with $5,000 to spend on a new wardrobe. In order to get the money she must let them throw out her old wardrobe and shop by their rules.
The show seems to be about making superficial changes, but in fact it is so much more. Most of the people who go through this process make fundamental shifts in how they see themselves and their bodies. Some of them go on to make huge changes in their lives. But why would getting a new wardrobe create such a transformation?
It’s actually not the wardrobe that creates the shift. Yes, having nice clothes can help people advance in their jobs or “hook a hottie”, but it is the process of learning what not to wear that creates the change.
The show allows the participants to see how they have been presenting themselves to the world and also forces them to face the reasons they have been dressing this way. In life coach terms, the show “busts their stories”.
We all have stories we have created to justify our negative behavior. As soon as somebody asks you why we stay in our bad relationships, or dead-end jobs, or oversized wardrobes we dust off our stories: “Oh, I couldn’t leave Bob. He’d be lost without me.” Or, “I’d never be able to find a new job at my age.” Or, “If I wore clothes that fit me I would look fat.”
By telling our stories we are actually hiding the truth from ourselves (everybody else can see through our stories easily). However, when we confront our stories they crumble and we can see the real reason why we are stuck. Once the truth is uncovered it no longer has power over us and we can begin to transform our lives.
What Not To Wear literally holds up a mirror (a 360° mirror) for people to see themselves as they really are. Since there is no place to hide their only choices are to face their fears and transform their lives, or go deeper into their stories and stay stuck—but with a really great wardrobe.
The next time you have a chance, take a look at What Not To Wear and watch the transformation.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Mindfulness vs Positive Thinking
This morning my coffeemaker overflowed. I had not put the carafe in the right place so coffee and wet grounds flowed all over the countertop, onto the floor and even into the silverware drawer. I had to clean up the mess before I had my first cup of coffee! How irritating!
A few years ago this sort of situation might have sent me into a tailspin of negative thinking about how unlucky I was, and how this sort of thing always happens to me. Eventually I would have used this incident as another example of why my life was so bad. I would have then gone on to have a terrible day. Today, however I grumpily cleaned up the mess and, after I had my first cup of coffee, allowed the irritation to drop away. In other words, I got over it.
In this country we have just begun to realize the effect negative thinking has on our mental and physical health. Negative thinking can color how we see our lives, blocking out the good and magnifying the bad. It can lead to health problems from headaches and stomach problems to high blood pressure and even cancer.
The good news is that people are now starting to recognize how much of their thinking is negative. The bad news is that many people, fearing that their negative thinking is attracting negative things into their lives, are trying to wrestle their negative thoughts into a positive direction and becoming even more stressed out and fearful in the process.
Mindfulness, a Zen technique for self awareness, teaches us to recognize our thoughts without trying to change them. The simple act of awareness allows us to separate ourselves from our thoughts and view them from an outside perspective. Because we are not caught up in the emotion of our thoughts, we can see where our thoughts end and reality begins.
By contrast, positive thinking requires us to turn our thoughts, by force, from negative to positive. Not only does this take constant vigilance—which can be exhausting—but it also keeps us locked inside our heads so to speak.
So the next time you find your thoughts turning negative try mindfulness instead of positive thinking. You may be surprised at how quickly your stress disappears.
A few years ago this sort of situation might have sent me into a tailspin of negative thinking about how unlucky I was, and how this sort of thing always happens to me. Eventually I would have used this incident as another example of why my life was so bad. I would have then gone on to have a terrible day. Today, however I grumpily cleaned up the mess and, after I had my first cup of coffee, allowed the irritation to drop away. In other words, I got over it.
In this country we have just begun to realize the effect negative thinking has on our mental and physical health. Negative thinking can color how we see our lives, blocking out the good and magnifying the bad. It can lead to health problems from headaches and stomach problems to high blood pressure and even cancer.
The good news is that people are now starting to recognize how much of their thinking is negative. The bad news is that many people, fearing that their negative thinking is attracting negative things into their lives, are trying to wrestle their negative thoughts into a positive direction and becoming even more stressed out and fearful in the process.
Mindfulness, a Zen technique for self awareness, teaches us to recognize our thoughts without trying to change them. The simple act of awareness allows us to separate ourselves from our thoughts and view them from an outside perspective. Because we are not caught up in the emotion of our thoughts, we can see where our thoughts end and reality begins.
By contrast, positive thinking requires us to turn our thoughts, by force, from negative to positive. Not only does this take constant vigilance—which can be exhausting—but it also keeps us locked inside our heads so to speak.
So the next time you find your thoughts turning negative try mindfulness instead of positive thinking. You may be surprised at how quickly your stress disappears.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)